1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
