there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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