His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
you made out with another girl for some wings
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
