dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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