My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
