its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
