problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
