I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
