Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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