he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
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