in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
