I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
