There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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