Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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