What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i think my cat just said my name.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
