Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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