so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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