Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
