Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
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