I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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