Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
