What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Found the puke drawer
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
