we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
