he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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