I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
