i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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