Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
