$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
