i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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