I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
