you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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