She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
