I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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