I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
