Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
