Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
