Ambien. No doubt about it.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
