I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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