I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
