Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
