I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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