Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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