I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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