I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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