I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
