Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
