Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
