If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
whose ass print is on the piano?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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