I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
