Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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