he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
