yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
