finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize