Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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