Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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