We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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