There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
