A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
