There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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