I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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