so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
