I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
