I like my sex mixed with concussions.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
