I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
