Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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