I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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