This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
