considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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