dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
