i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
