woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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