I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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