Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
