so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Damn victory sex feels great
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
This toilet bowl is my home.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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