I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
