I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize