if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
