I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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