OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
