Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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