Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
