I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
