Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
