Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
