Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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