The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Randomize
